i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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