goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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