HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
