well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
