i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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