1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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