Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
