i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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