friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize