If that was your dad, he is hot
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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