and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
