i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
