Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
