Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
