If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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