I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
