We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
