Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
