After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
