we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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