it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
