I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
