walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So much rum. So many feels.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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