I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
