So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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