We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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