Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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