I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
