I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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