and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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