Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
