my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
