shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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