I've blown a few things in my day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
