Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
