I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
