i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
