I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
