I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
