Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
