singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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