Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
