You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
