I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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