I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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