hotel room ftw
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
