Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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