Sponge bath it is.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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