his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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