You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
