went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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