Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
