I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
