my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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