I heard we made out
Can i not drive my cunt home
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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