Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
