I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize