Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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