I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
