I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
