You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
