so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
