so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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