cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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