We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
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Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who died my cat blue again?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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