How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
