We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
