guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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