What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
