dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
