I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
