just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
