I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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