If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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